dirty little secret
by wtflmao
Summary: edward:24 year old man happily married and awaiting his first baby. Desiree:21 year old that just finished college and lives only for her various jobs and her best friend. she didn't see the kind of man that edward was until it was all too late. Edward/oc
1. Chapter 1

hi guys! so this is ot my first story here in fanfiction, i have two other stories on another account for personal reasons i felt the need to have two seperate ones maybe in the future i'll put all my stories together. so i don't usually write stories with bella i find it hard to write her character as she is not my favorite so if you're not into edward/bella then you might like this story of mine. i suggest following my community if you like edward/ oc stories it's called edward and someone that is not bella and it's created under the name **airali** which is my other account.

hope you guys enjoy this story and if you do give some feedback it always helps when i'm writing the next chapters.

enjoy!

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><p><strong>preface<strong>

If I had known that on Saturday the first of May that I was about to meet the person that would send my life into a whirlwind of chaos, pain and never ending soap opera drama, I would have stayed as far away from that bar as possible. Heck I would have raised a restraining order against him; who cares if I didn't even know him. I just…I would have avoided meeting him at all costs. But the fact was that I didn't know I was going to meet him and I didn't know the trouble it would cost me.

Now that very same day my best friend had found out his fiancé had been cheating on him a week away from their wedding. After my unsuccessful attempts to get into his apartment and offer some sort consolation what was I to do? My life had not been at its best in that moment and that was without this whole new issue of my best friend into the equation. That bar was simply there offering an escape from everything I had been keeping in for the past month.

As I had entered the bar I could clearly imagine what my best friend Declan would have said if he had been here. "Remember what happened to your dad Desiree." But tonight there was no one here to reprimand me or make me realize how wrong I was in seeking freedom through alcohol. I was never the one that could be trusted with liberty when I was in low spirits, but I couldn't always have someone running after me and looking out for me and for that I was quite grateful.

And so wanting to simply forget all my troubles I slid into a stool and ordered my drink. For a Friday night the bar was awfully calm, I think I liked that. It wasn't long before a trio of men walked in and sat on the stool next to me chattering happily. Ignoring the conversation I pulled out a notebook and a pen, perhaps I could get and influx of ideas in a drunken state; it occurred to me how I'd never once thought of this. As the time passed on the men grew more intoxicated and increasingly loud.

**Edward's P.O.V **

I'd always wondered what I would have done if I'd had known that going to that bar would probably cause the biggest disaster in my life. It would have been a rather difficult decision because I felt like in either case I would lose something. But I do wish I would have handled things in a more responsible manner for I did destroy some lives' in that time including my own.

But I did not know how it would affect me, and I did not know how it would affect those I loved. I mean I was going to a bar with my brother and brother in law to celebrate the new addition to our family. Where was the harm in that? It was just as harmless as my wife Bella and my sister and sister in law having a sleepover at my house. They too were celebrating the news of Bella's pregnancy in their own special manner. There was absolutely nothing bad about what we were doing.

My memory of the event is not as clear as I wish it was, until then that little get together at the bar was nothing. But I do remember that I'd had very little to drink after all I was the designated driver. I remember talking to jasper and Emmett about how odd it was to think that I was going to be a dad.

Bella's pregnancy wasn't exactly planned out, sure we'd touched the subject but we'd never exactly made a decision. But it seemed only natural, after all she and I had been married since we were both twenty. That would mean we'd been married for four years, a baby only seemed fitting. It was a strange thought, a baby, but all the same I was beyond elated I was finally going to have a complete family. I could not be happier than ever.

I remember that after a while jasper began to feel sick. Emmett took him to the bathroom as I was not going to risk having him vomit in my car. I was left all alone; it was then that I noticed a small girl sitting on the stool next to me. She seemed real entranced in whatever she was writing.

"I hope my brothers didn't interrupt your train of thought," that's something along the lines of what I had said. I must admit that the only thing I remember about her appearance that first time I saw her was that she looked far too young to be in a bar. For all I knew she could have been some sixteen year old. I also took notice of the pretty little thing she was. If I recall correctly she seemed rather guarded and wary as she spoke to me in a deeply detached voice. When I asked her she said she had various jobs the only one that really stuck out to me was that she was an editor, mainly because I had long ago written a fictional story that in everyone's opinion deserved to make it to the bookstore shelves. She had offered to take a look and she handed me her card. That's as much as I remembered from that first meeting. I believe we left shortly after. I do think I considered giving her a call to have her read the manuscript. But I never gave the girl much thought.

In fact I did not even remember her name.

**Desiree's P.O.V**

I'd be lying if I said I remembered that first meeting. I did not even remember his name and I didn't much care. My story was progressing and I supposed in that moment it was all I could think of. As I had hoped the alcohol served its purpose and that night I felt better than I had been feeling the entire month.

But I could not for the life of me even remember that man's face. In fact it was like I had never been interrupted from my writing at all.


	2. a portrait of the artist

sorry to those that have read this story i made one change to the story line. instead of making Edward an art history teacher i made him a CEO of his dad's oil company i recommend you read the chapter again because i have changed some parts. sorry i usually don't do this and i won't do it again i promise :)

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><p><strong>Edward's P.O.V <strong>

A month had gone by since my get together with Emmett and jasper. Things were going great in my life. I do not believe that there was a happier couple than Bella and I. That baby was all I could talk of.

When we told her mother of the news she demanded we pay her a visit. Bella had wanted to go to Arizona for some time it had been a while since she'd seen her family. Unfortunately my job in my dad's oil company had not allowed me to accompany her on the trip yet I wanted her to visit her family so we arranged for her trip.

So here I was at the airport ready to say goodbye to Bella for an entire month.

"I wish you could go." she spoke as she gave me a quick kiss.

"I know love, but I think you could use some time alone with your family. I don't want you to get tired of me." I joked. She rolled her eyes but smiled when I put myself to level with her stomach, she was four months along and she had yet to show it, though she swore she was already gaining weight. "Take care of mommy for me." I softly crooned to her stomach while I rubbed it. "Don't let her trip." When I looked up she was blushing and I understood why. A lot of passerby's were watching and smiling at us.

"I think it's time to go," she stroked my hair and I straightened up. "It's going to be a long month." She was right, it would seem never ending.

"I know love." I stroked her soft face. "But I'll call you every day, I promise." Her smile didn't quite reach her eyes but she nodded and looked down as her flight was announced. I raised her face to look into her sad chocolate brown eyes and I kissed her softly. "Say hi to your family for me."

"Okay" she said and then picked up her bags. With one final kiss she began to walk away. I stayed there until her plane left. Once gone I headed back home to pass the rest of my Saturday all alone.

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><p><strong>Monday Edward's P.O.V <strong>

"Good morning honey." I paced back in forth in front of the living room with the phone glued to my ear.

"Edward, you sound guilty, what happened?"

I smiled to myself at that. It was only natural that she would know me so well. We knew each other since we were toddlers.

"I've done something really horrible… You know how you always told me I was going to lose the wedding ring if I kept on taking it on and off."

"What did you do?"

"Well, I took it off to shower –you know I don't like to get it wet- and well…I knocked it over and it…it went down the drain."

"I told you so," she didn't sound mad so I took that as a good sign.

It had only been a day and already I missed her. The month would really be eternal as I'd never been away from Bella for so long.

We met at the age of six when her mom got back with her dad; she and her mother moved to forks where they became our neighbors. She got along just great with my brother Emmett and my sister Alice. But it was her friendship with me that proved to be stronger.

I always liked her; she was a very intriguing person. Kind and entertaining, we quickly formed a deep bond that slowly morphed into something more than a mere friendship. She noticed it first…I had been too caught up chasing after other girls to see what was in front of me. It wasn't until junior prom that it became official. We were both seventeenth and decided to go to prom together; I remember how beautiful she looked that day in her deep blue dress. I even remember the song that was playing when we kissed for the first time. It was Brian Adam's heaven playing as we slow danced on the dance floor. Ever since then we were together and knew we wanted to spend all of our lives together.

When we turned twenty we both decided there was no point to waiting, we were eager to get married and start our lives together. My family approved of her and so did hers but neither was comfortable with us marrying so young. They talked to us both about the seriousness of marriage. But we knew what we wanted and that's exactly what we got, we were married January 25. After four years of being happily married we'd proven to our families that we had been right and that we really were meant to be together forever.

I'd wanted to major in music but my dad insisted that Emmett and I had to work in his company to inherit it later in the future. I'd never been particularly thrilled about it but dad had been planning this future for us for so long that I'd never really dared to argue. I loved him and didn't wish to upset him. Of course sometimes I wished I had just studied music. The job was very demanding at times and sometimes I didn't have enough time to spend with Bella.

She had gone to culinary school and once done she'd decided to open up a bakery. Her business, though small, it thrived and she loved it.

We were ready for this baby. We would be the best parents we could possibly be and it would be loved and have everything it needed. I wanted a girl Bella wanted a boy but we both knew that it didn't matter what it was we would love it just as much.

Once Bella and I hung up I decided to do something that I hadn't done in a very long time. I got dressed to go take a jog around the park. There's something about marriage that just makes you awfully lazy. After Bella and I married I stopped my daily jogging routine, I never completely stopped I would just leave it for a couple of months then get back into the habit. With Bella gone, I had a feeling I would be doing this daily.

For six in the morning the sun was barely going up and there was only a few other joggers out in the park. With my earphones firmly in place I fell into an easy jog.

I remembered why I liked to run, it was refreshing. It liberated me of any bad energy. All bad thoughts were gone and I felt at peace as I got my metabolism going. I'd been thinking of what I had planned after work. I would probably visit my parents and have dinner with them; I didn't want to be alone for too much time. My attention was caught by a small body running in the opposite direction. She ran at a much faster pace than I was and seemed completely concentrated in her run. She seemed familiar but I couldn't quite place the face. It wasn't until she sped by me once more that I recognized her to be the girl from the bar. I couldn't remember her name but I was quite certain it was her. So I turned around and ran after her wondering if she would remember me.

She didn't notice me when I catched up to her. She too was listening to her iPod. After some time she seemed to take notice of my presence and glanced up at me then paused her iPod.

"Did you call me?" she asked. I immediately knew she did not remember me. Her voice was polite but she seemed slightly annoyed to have been interrupted.

Without stopping our run I responded. "I don't suppose you remember me."

"I don't suppose I do. Care to refresh my mind?" once again she concentrated on the path in front of her.

"I'm Edward. The guy from the bar about a month ago."

It didn't seem to ring a bell as she furrowed her eyebrows in a questioning manner.

"I was with the two noisy guys. You said you were an editor."

"Oh yeah…I think I remember but I'm not too sure." She began to slow down and I did the same until we both automatically came to a stop. "But in any case let me introduce myself again. I'm Desiree glass."

I extended my hand and shook her considerably smaller hand. "Edward Cullen. Would you like to walk?"

She seemed as if she was going to refuse, but then agreed and we began a slow stroll as the sun rose in the horizon.

"So exactly how did we meet?" she asked. "The memory is hazy."

I chuckled, "how much did you drink?"

"Well I can't remember much of the night so you figure it out." she smiled gently.

"My brothers and I were out having a drink and you were sitting next to me busy in your writing."

"Ah I see."

"When we talked you mentioned you're an editor?"

She looked as if she finally believed I was saying the truth after I said this. "Yeah, well it's what I do mainly; I take on a couple of other things when I'm available."

"Like what?"

"I teach yoga on weekends, I teach art in a community center and I am a part time high school music teacher."

I looked at her and wondered how she managed to fit in so much in seven days of the week.

"Well you must be really good at managing your time."

She chuckled. "Well there's not much else to do, I don't have much of a social life to maintain. I have more time right now as the publishing house is a bit slow at the moment so there's not much for me to do. I am in the process of editing just one book. So I'm able to do more things right now."

"What kind of books does your publishing house edit?"

"Mostly fiction and the occasional history book."

"Oh, because about a year ago I wrote this story and my friends have kept trying to push me into publishing it. Lately the idea has stuck but I'm still unsure whether it really is good enough or not."

She nodded, "tell you what, bring me the manuscript I'll read it, free of charge," she smiled, "  
>and I will give you my opinion then you can decide whether you want to proceed."<p>

"I think that sounds like a good idea." I glanced at my watch and saw it was time to go or I would get late to my job. "Hey I have to run but tell you what, let's have dinner together and we can discuss this later tonight. Sound good?"

We had stopped walking by now; she seemed to be in thought before she nodded. "That sounds good."

"Great here give me your number and I will text you the directions to the restaurant."

She agreed and we exchanged numbers quickly. She too seemed to be in a bit of a hurry.

"So is six an okay time?"

"Yeah six is perfect. Well I have to run or I'm going to be late too. Nice meeting you…again."

I smiled and waved before we both ran off in different directions. I thought about the conversation and was suddenly excited at the thought of having someone from outside the family circle read what I had written. I needed an honest opinion and I felt that she would offer one. She was an editor after all and I suppose honest opinions were required of her. Well I guess I wouldn't be having dinner with my parents then…

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><p>"How's the lonely life?" I looked up from my paperwork and saw Emmett walk into my office and sit on the chair in front of the desk.<p>

"Lonely." I muttered.

He laughed, as if it was really that funny. "You need to loosen up. I swear you're tied to her butt."

"Look who's talking." He ignored the comment.

"So no sex for a month. Wonder how long you're going to last."

"Emmett honestly if you have nothing interesting to say leave I'm real busy."

"It's only been what two days and already you need to get laid. It's going to be a long month." He teased. I think what annoyed me the most was the fact that he was right.

"Out!" I barked. He did as I said but did not forget to laugh at me on the way out.

I sighed and stretched on my chair. Working in an office for so long had never been my ideal job. I would have honestly preferred to sit all day teaching music or writing music for a living. Now the time I spent in front of my piano was very limited.

When my phone rang indicating a new text message I was quick to pick it up. My heart warmed as I saw my wife's name.

_I miss you babe 3_

I smiled at the screen as I read Bella's message and quickly replied.

**I miss you too love, how are you?**

_I'm well honey. The baby just kicked :)_

And I wished so badly that I could be there to have felt it.

_How's work?_

**Nothing remotely new, you know how it is. **

** By the way remember that story I wrote that you all felt like I should seek to publish it?**

_Yes, did you finally decide to do it!_

**Well I met this person that agreed to read it. I'm going to show them the manuscript tonight. **

_Oh honey I'm so glad. I really hope you are successful with this. _

**Thank you love, I'm sorry for cutting it short but I need to finish this paperwork.**

_I understand, Have a good day dear 3_

I gave a quick reply to the last message and then continued with the tedious job.

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><p>When work was over I headed home immediately and looked for one of the manuscripts I'd printed. Unfortunately the only one I could find was all written on and nearly impossible to read I had to search for the file in my computer and printed out another copy. Before I knew it I had to change to be at the restaurant in time.<p>

I was excited at the prospect of having my story published. It had always been a dream of mines to write a book and I hoped that I would be successful in this.

I didn't have to wait long for her. Five minutes after I arrived I saw her small form walk towards me. She looked around rather nervously, as if she were uncomfortable. I stood up to greet her and she gave me a small uneasy smile. It was then that I truly took her in and observed her character.

She was small maybe five feet; she wore a long cream colored sweater with a brown belt on her waist. Over it she wore a short forest green coat with brown buttons and brown borders. Her dark blue skinny's were small and accentuated her toned legs, her small feet were clad in matching forest green lace up boots with brown laces. She had a pretty hourglass shape despite being so small. Her brown hair created a lovely contrast with her light skin. She had a youthful round face with natural rosy cheeks that seemed as if they still had traces of baby fat in them. A dainty nose that was slightly upturned was placed in the middle of her face it was almost completely straight except for a small bump that could have been a result of a broken nose. She had a small mouth with delicate and finely curved pink lips. But what attracted me most were her eyes. They were averaged sized and almond shaped but the electric blue color of her eyes was captivating. I wondered how I hadn't noticed them before; I could only imagine how much lovelier they would look against the natural light. They were surrounded by long brown eyelashes and softly rounded eyebrows. She was a lovely little thing, captivating there was no doubt about it. It only took a minute for me to take in all of these details.

She shook my hand and I quickly helped her out of her coat and into her seat. Before we could say anything the waiter arrived. She slowly removed her messenger bag from her shoulder and set it down. I took notice of the special manner in which the waiter spoke to her but she seemed oblivious to it. I chuckled internally; his actions were after all completely understandable. Once he was gone she pushed her hair behind her ear and looked at me.

"Nice to see you again." She smiled. "Talk to me more about your story."

I nodded and pulled out the manuscript and handed it to her. As I talked she skimmed through the pages, nodding in acknowledgement that she was listening.

"Well it definitely sounds interesting." She said after I'd finished talking. "I'll try to get through it as fast as possible."

"Oh take your time." I said. She smiled, we both suddenly went quiet and it became awkward. It was only for a moment before her smile turned teasing.

"So what do you work in?"

"I'm a CEO in my dad's oil company."

"so you sit in an office all day?" her expression was that of great distaste and possibly pity. I found it quite entertaining and could not help the small chuckle that slipped out of my mouth. I think her expression matched my internal one.

"pretty much."

"I'm sorry but I don't think I'd ever have the patience to do something like that. business and everything involving it just doesn't call to me."

"I can tell."

"what made you go into business?"

"well my dad had always wanted us to inherit the family business, he didn't approve when I demonstrated interest in studying music. I was never the one to argue."

She frowned and pursed her lips. I looked into her blue eyes as she scrutinized me for a moment, and wondered what she was thinking.

"do you like it?"

I thought about my response. Did I like my job? "I don't dislike it. but It's not my ideal career."

"what was your ideal career?"

"music." I responded immediately. "I suppose you major in english?"

"yeah."

"did you want to be an editor?"

"well it was always an option. I was never the one for math or science so I immediately knew I did not want to be involved in anything of the sort. In the end I decided English because I wanted to write screen plays but when the chance came to take a job as an editor I took it. I'm pretty happy with it."

"you must have studied more if you teach art and music too."

"yeah I minored in both. I loved them too much to not study them."

She seemed more at ease now; she had stopped glancing around her nervously.

"You seemed uncomfortable when you arrived," I said. She looked at me and bit the inside of her cheek.

"You noticed that?"

"Yeah…why?"

"I'm not used to being out. I'm not very social if you haven't noticed."

She seemed fairly social to me, she had no difficulty making conversation with me at least.

"I know it's not polite to ask but, how old are you?"

"I just turned twenty one, and you?"

"Twenty four… so you don't get out much? With your friends or anyone?"

She looked down and blushed. Just then the waiter came with our food we said thank you and he quickly left after taking another glance at her.

"You could say I don't have any friends." She responded after a moment. Her voice was quieter and I had to focus more to hear it. "I mean I have colleagues but friends friends just one. Making new friends has never been easy for me not since I was in high school."

"Bad experience?"

She thought about her response for some time. "You could say that."

"I had wondered why you were all alone on a Friday night at a bar."

"Oh that day…that was a bad day my best friend was going to marry the following week and that day he caught his fiancée in bed with someone else…"

"So you felt the need to drink for him?"

"Well, he's like my brother you know. I've known him for a very long time. He didn't want me to be there with him that night and I guess I was just hurt. Not to mention I'd been having problems of my own with my mom."

"Oh I see…you know drinking isn't the solution."

"I don't make a habit out of it, really. I usually have my friend there to keep me from drinking my problems away but I took advantage of the fact that I was completely alone."

"How did you get home?"

"I drove. Irresponsible I know."

"I'll say."

We enjoyed a pleasant conversation as we ate. She was a quite interesting woman and it surprised me that she was single. I suppose her dedication to her various jobs prevented her from dedicating time to a relationship. When I told her this she said the only relationship she needed was with her best friend and her dog. That made me laugh, she seemed to have a lot of love for animals. While I enjoyed pets Bella wasn't particularly fond of them.

Before we realized it we had finished our dinner and were ready to depart.

"What are you doing?" I asked feeling very indignant as I saw her withdraw her wallet from her bag.

"Paying for my food." She said as if it was painfully obvious.

"I can't let you do that I invited you here."

"You invited me that's all"

"It doesn't matter it is courtesy to pay for you."

She rolled her eyes but did not argue. I remembered when Bella and I began dating. She would always argue so much about letting me pay. She never would win.

I walked her to her small car in the parking lot. "Thank you for tonight." She said. "I'll call you as soon as I finish reading your manuscript alright?"

"Sounds good to me. Hope it doesn't bore you"

She smiled and toyed with her keys. "Don't worry I'll tell you if it does."

"Well," I extended my hand and she shook it. "I hope to see you soon."

"Alright goodnight Edward." she smiled at me and then got into her car. I watched her speed away before I reached my own car. I reached into my coat pockets for my keys and found a twenty dollar bill wrapped in a note.

_We're in the 21__st__ century Edward. Things have changed. Thank you for inviting me I had a lovely time. _

I smiled as I saw her signature and wondered how she had slipped in the note and the money without me noticing.

* * *

><p>"Don't get me wrong mom I love your cooking, but I miss Bella's cooking terribly." I ate the last of my meatloaf and savored the taste of it.<p>

"I know honey I can imagine how much you must miss her. Tell her I say hi when she calls you again."

I was having dinner with just my mother Esme and my father Carlisle. Already it felt like I was going crazy from not seeing Bella at all. Web-caming was just not the same.

"Edward," I looked at dad as he called my name. "Where's your wedding ring?" I automatically moved the finger where the ring should have been resting.

"I…it fell down the drain."

Mom shook her head and frowned. "Don't worry ma I'll get another one made."

"Edward you shouldn't take such things so lightly. A wedding ring is a very important symbol of your love to your wife."

"I know mom. But really it could have happened to anyone."

Before they could say anything else my phone went off. I excused myself from the table to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Edward?"

"Who is this?"

"Desiree glass..."

"Oh hi Desiree how are you?"

"I'm fine thank you. And you?"

"Alright. Was there something you wanted to talk about?"

"Yeah I just finished reading your manuscript for the second time."

I raised my eyebrows in surprise. The book was pretty lengthy so the fact that she read it not once but twice impressed me.

"And?"

"I really like it. Can we meet and discuss this in person?"

"Of course how bout we have a cup of coffee tomorrow?"

"Sure. I know a great place with stellar coffee."

"Well then I'll see you tomorrow at twelve?"

"Sure thing."

"Oh and Desiree,"

"Yes?"

"This time I'm paying, no excuses."

As she laughed I imagined the sound of wind chimes. "Okay Edward if you insist." With that she hung up and I returned to the dinner room to help clean up.


	3. my paper heart

**Desiree's P.O.V **

I can't deny that sometimes I became tired of the boring routine that my life was but I did not want to change it. I was too afraid of losing control of my life again, and I worked so hard to get to where I was to have it all crumble before me. It was the reason for my lack of socializing. I preferred to stick to something safe and stable, something I knew well. For me that was my jobs, people were too unpredictable.

Unfortunately my job as a teacher and editor required a lot of socializing. At first it was difficult but in time I was able to work around my issues. It was easy talking to people when I only saw and thought of them as colleagues.

However that night I had dinner with Edward, it was hard to think of him as simply someone I was working with. In fact we hardly spoke of the work at hand. Talking with him came to me as easily as it did when I talked to Declan. I felt comfortable around him, so much that after a while I began to feel at ease in the restaurant.

After having dinner with him I headed home and decided to call Declan. He still wasn't as great as I would have liked, but I suppose it was understandable given the situation he was in.

"Why don't you move back in with me?" I asked as I fed my small brown terrier named tack. Declan had met, crystal a year ago, back then he had been living in my house. It was a quaint little three bedroom house that my family had inherited from my grandparents. My mom's life, however, was already made in San Francisco so she had no use of the house. When Declan and I moved to Seattle to study college we decided to inhabit it. There was no point to renting a small apartment if I already had a house and the closer to Declan the better. I was saddened when he moved out of the house to have an apartment with his fiancée crystal.

Declan and I met each other in my sophomore year. He was a senior. We didn't go to the same high school, we met each other under unusual circumstances. Needless to say we instantly became attached to each other. We helped each other through our hardest times. Mom never liked him, she felt like he was a bad influence. I suppose he was but that was hardly his fault, I was after all responsible of my own actions, not him.

We were close- him and I- I shared many firsts with him, first smoke, first kiss…first time I had sex. There was a time in which we sought each other for sexual comfort. It was like this for some months until we decided that it was a bit odd, we realized our relationship was that of a brother and sister and having sex with each other was making things odd between us.

Declan could have gone to college, but he did not want to, at least not far away from San Francisco. He decided community college was the way to go. It irked me; it had always been a dream of his to go to Seattle. I always thought he would have reached Seattle as soon as he graduated so it had been a surprise when he said he would wait until I graduated and then we could both come together. Neither of us liked the idea of being so far from each other for such a long time. Sometimes I thought I liked him more than my own mother, maybe because we understood better…my relationship with my mom had been strained since the death of my father. It was only severed further when my brother Destin died. Needless to say we hardly spoke to each other anymore.

True to his word we both moved here as soon as I graduated. I think it was then that my life seemed to put itself back together.

"I think I would like that. I miss living with you and tack. I'll think about it alright?"

"okay." I raised myself to the counter and took a seat as I spoke and watched tack eat his food.

"So how are things?" he asked.

"Fine, you know the usual. I got a new manuscript tonight so I was skimming through it and it seems promising."

"Really? Did you talk to the author?"

"Yeah I actually just came back from dinner with him."

"You? Seeing someone you're working with outside of the publishing house? Dinner? Do tell me what is going on."

I laughed at his tone. "Technically I am not yet working with him. I met him this morning while I went on my jog. He told me he had been writing this story and had been wanting to get it published. I offered to read it first then tell him whether he ought to go for it or not. We met tonight so he could give me his manuscript. That's all."

"That may be all but it is highly unusual of you to have even spoken to a stranger _outside_ of work."

I smiled at tack who had finished and was happily wagging his tail at me, "I thought the same. I don't know what brought this on. He was just…easy to talk to. I was comfortable talking to him."

"Well that's good to hear. Honestly I think you need to stop working and focus on your non-existent personal life for a moment."

"It's precisely because it's so non-existent that I pay no attention to it."

"Well then all the more reason to make it exist don't you think?"

I laughed. "I'm in no hurry to make friends trust me."

"So you plan on staying alone all of your life?"

We'd talked about this many times before no matter how much he tried I was simply not interested in forming a relationship of any sort with anyone. I feared such connections.

"I have you."

"You know what I mean."

"I'm resigned to having this life forever Declan, whether I meet someone or not is not something that particularly worries me."

"Well if you really feel that way."

"I do." my voice was firm and signaled the end of the potentially endless discussion. "Hey I have to go; I better get started reading this manuscript."

"Okay then. Goodnight honey I love you."

"Love you too. And don't forget to think about moving back in."

"I'll think about it. Join me for lunch tomorrow yeah?"

"Okay. See you then."

I wiped away the silent tears that escaped my eyes and headed to my living room with tack and began to read the manuscript.

* * *

><p>Just as I had thought Edward's story proved promising. I could have read it a third time but I felt like it was best to give Edward the green light already.<p>

On Sunday I decided to arrive to the coffee shop early so I could do some work beforehand. About thirty minutes had passed when I heard someone take a seat in front of me. I looked up and Edward exposed a set of pearly white teeth in his smile. His eyes were a warm green as if liquefied emeralds filled his eyes.

"Hello." His voice was soft as he spoke and he reached out to shake my hand. "Hope I didn't keep you waiting for too long." He said as he removed his tan leather jacket.

"I came early to do some work," I motioned to my laptop and the book in front of me.

"I see." he already had his coffee; I quickly closed my laptop and book and put them back into my bag and pulled out his manuscript.

"I have to admit I lost some sleep over this story. It was so good that I refused to put it down. Even the second time around."

He smiled in delight. He was clearly proud of his work as he should be.

"Give me your honest opinion, please."

"Well," I opened the manuscript and flipped through the pages. "To be honest, I haven't read anything this intriguing in a while."

"Really?"

I nodded. "Would you like to take this to the publishing house?"

"If you think it worthy-"

"It is," I quickly said. His eyes were excited. "Listen even the greatest of writers get turned down often. I can't guarantee they will approve it but I believe your chances are high. If this publisher does not accept it, then don't give up, take it to other and believe me one of them will take your story. It's worth it. I will do my best to influence their choice. I would love to have this form a part of my personal library." I beamed at him.

"Thank you so much."

"In case it does get approved I must admit that there's a lot of work yet to be done. While your story is amazing, there's a lot that can be improved. But we can talk about this later. First let's focus on getting it approved. Here," I searched through my messenger bag for some forms. "You need to fill these out. Usually the manuscripts are mailed but I'll take it personally to them, don't worry."

"Alright." He looked through the forms and I began to explain to him what they were and how to fill them out.

"So this is how you spend your Sundays?" he did not look up from the papers as he wrote and I didn't look up from the other manuscript I was editing.

"Yes… pretty boring huh?"

"Don't you get tired? Of work?"

"Sometimes…but I find this routine to be…comforting… safe. I'm kind of a coward." I chuckled, it was true. I was afraid of living.

"Why is that?"

"I don't know, I'm a bit of a mental person."

"You shouldn't be afraid. Don't waste you're life des, you'll regret it."

This wasn't the only time I'd heard this. I didn't answer and he looked up. "I mean it. You're a pretty girl. Go out have fun. Make friends, I understand it might be hard but solitude is never good you know. It depresses you."

"I know that. Maybe someday I'll take your advice."

"It would be preferable if you took it right now while you're young."

I smiled at him. "yes I suppose you're right…but for now I need to finish editing this, I'll think about what you said some other day…preferably when I'm not too busy thinking about other matters."

He smiled and shook his head then returned to writing. I took a sip of my coffee when he suddenly spoke. "How much was it?"

I set down the cup, "pardon me?"

"The coffee,"

"Oh! Uhm I don't know. I wasn't paying attention when I paid for it."

"Is this your way of trying to evade making me pay?"

"perhaps." I smiled and scribbled something on the page I was reading.

"You're impossible." He chuckled. I smiled because it wasn't the first time I'd heard something like that. "Is there anything you like to do in your free time?"

I pursed my lips and thought of the question.

"I like to paint…and write. But I hardly have any free time. Usually when I do have time I go out with my dog in search of good scenery. I enjoy photography too. Really anything artistic or really anything recreational."

"Sports?"

I pursed my lips and shook my head. "I'm not a team player."

"So no human contact?" his tone said he was teasing me.

"None whatsoever."

"Well then I guess I'm lucky. I have a feeling you don't do this often."

"How about I don't do this…ever."

"I figured that much. Why though?"

"I'm just not very social…it's been some time since I have actually connected with anyone that's not my best friend…not even my mom."

I couldn't explain why said the last part. I don't know why I would say so much to someone I did not know.

"Bad relationship with her?"

"Somewhat."

"Well… that's a shame…I think a mother is the best friend you could ever have. If you can't trust her then you really can't trust anyone you know?"

"I don't think that applies to me…but anyways, tell me what do you like to do on your free time?" he set down his pen down to raise the cup of coffee to his lips.

"I like to write music. And spend time with my family." The way in which he said the last part, with such a dreamlike fashion, caught my attention.

"Sounds like you really love them." I concluded.

"They're my inspiration." he nodded. "I'm one of those people that just thinks' that family is everything." That much was clear since he told me he went into business simply because his father had wanted him to.

We were so different from each other. He had and loved his family. I lacked one and what was left of a once happy family was now cracked and slowly falling apart further.

I simply smiled and offered a tight lipped smile. There wasn't much else I could say about the topic.

"Okay I think I got all of it done." He handed me the papers and I looked through them to make sure everything was filled out.

"I think I have everything I need." I said after checking the papers. He looked at me for a moment.

"Are you busy?" he asked out of nowhere.

"Uhm no not really. Why?"

"Oh well I just didn't want to hold you up if you were."

"Oh well I have time." I glanced at my coffee cup and saw it was empty. I was about to get up when he placed his hand on mines to stop me. I looked at him and he smiled, his eyes shone happily.

"I'm buying remember?"

I hung my head in defeat and let out a laugh. "Alright then if you really feel like you must."

"Oh but I must." His hand was still on mines and I slowly pulled mines away. He seemed embarrassed and quickly apologized and left to order my coffee.

"So you're a music teacher?" I looked up as he took a seat and handed me the warm cup of coffee.

"Part time I teach a small high school, I pretty much teach string instruments; mainly the violin."

"No orchestra in the school?"

I took a small sip and flinched when I felt the liquid burn my tongue. "Shit" I muttered and set down the cup.

"Are you all right?"

"Yeah I'm fine." I pressed my fingers to my mouth, my tongue felt swollen. "Uhm, the school doesn't place much attention to the music or art department. It's just more economic to teach one single instrument."

"So you play the violin?"

"Been playing for years." I felt as proud as I sounded and he seemed to notice.

"Do you play anything else?"

"Guitar and a little bit of clarinet"

"Impressive."

"Do you play?" I asked.

"Yes…but guess what?"

I looked at him and tried to guess, "is it any of what I just mentioned?"

"No." he smiled leaned back on his chair and crossed his arms.

"So you play just one instrument?"

"Yes," he spoke slowly.

"Ah…"I glanced at his hands and took in his pale hands. His long fingers were neatly clasping each other and he twiddled his thumbs.

"String instrument?"

"I'd be saying too much."

"No, think about it there's so many instruments out there you could possibly play. I need more than one clue."

"I gave you two though." He raised his eyebrows at me and I couldn't help but roll my eyes.

"Well more than that."

"Okay one more. It's not a string instrument."

"Piano." I said it fast and with a tone of finality.

It seemed to me like he wanted to lie but I caught him. I was right.

"I knew it." I said smoothly and mimicked his body position.

"How?"

"A feeling." I smirked and with more caution I raised the coffee to my lips. "Piano?" he nodded. "Impressive, how long?"

"I believe since I was about five."

"Wow, you know most kids of that age don't have the attention span required to learn piano."

"I know, but I've always been a patient person, relatively calm, and interested enough to want to learn to play."

"Who taught you?"

"My mom. Well she was the one that got me interested; taught me the basics of it. When she realized how much I liked it she got a professional to teach me."

"And are you good?" I teased.

He grinned. "The awards I have earned speak for themselves." He cocked an eyebrow and I couldn't help but chuckle. I hadn't laughed much in the past month it was certainly relieving.

"So tell me," he paused to take a sip of coffee. "How long have you been playing violin?"

"I picked it up while I was in middle school. Mom was never very supportive of what I did but my brother's friend found someone to give me lessons cheap. So I went for it."

My lessons had indeed turned out to be very cheap still I had no means of paying by myself. Stealing money from my mother wasn't hard, half the time she couldn't figure what she did to her money. She was unorganized in that manner. Destin and I managed to scam her plenty of times and she was never the wiser.

"Determined to learn?"

"It was a great way to relive my stress." I explained and shrugged.

"I understand that." he agreed then leaned forward on the table. "Music is a great way to channel your emotions."

I nodded. "About four months ago my friend gave me a piano he felt it was time to learn a new instrument. I toy around with it but I really haven't sought ought anyone to teach me."

"Must be a really good friend. Not just anyone gives a piano as a present you know?"

"He's a real good friend. I've known him for quite some time."

"So he's you're boyfriend." I raised an eyebrow and felt my lips pull up to a crooked smile that probably matched his own.

"Sound's like you're stating it." I looked at my cup and drew imaginary patterns on the lid with my finger.

"I am." He smirked and surely enough a lopsided grin grazed his lips.

"Well sorry to let you down but he's just a good buddy. The one I told you about. I'm not really seeking a relationship any time soon."

"Really? I would have expected you to have them pounding at your door." I smiled but didn't laugh.

He seemed thoughtful. "Tell you what; since you have been gracious enough to look into my manuscript free of charge it only seems fair to return the favor. I can teach you to play piano free of charge."

"You don't have to do that."

"No I want to, trust me."

I looked at him for a moment, I might as well; besides it would probably be better to have someone I feel comfortable around teaching me. Maybe Declan was right, maybe I could do with another friend other than him. "All right then. Just say when you're available and we can set something up."

"Weekends, Saturdays after three and any time on Sunday."

"What about Saturdays at four?

"Just Saturdays?"

"I don't want to bother you too much"

"I'm available." He smiled his eyes seem to sparkle with the way the sun hit his face; they seemed even more…breathtaking. I looked down as soon as I thought the word and bit my lip. When I looked back up I seemed to look at him much more closely. I took in the details of his face. Edward had a smooth pale complexion. Despite the sharp features of his face his natural expression was one of gentle kindness. At the same time he displayed a natural poise that made you feel drawn to him. His thin lips were red from what seemed like a habit of sucking them. He had a well proportioned straight nose that made me think that he had been a relatively calm child as he displayed no signs of having ever fractured it. His deep set eyes were the purest and deepest forest green color I had ever seen. The color of his eyes made the lighter color of his long brown eyelashes stand out. He had well shaped thick brown eyebrows placed on a broad forehead partly obscured by copper colored locks naturally arranged in a state of wild disarray. Edward was easily any woman's idea of the perfect man it was hard to catch the flaws. The way his ears were slightly out of proportion compared to his head, how one of his eyebrows tended to go up without him noticing-although I would hardly call that a flaw- his high cheekbones made his cheeks seem slightly hollow and in return it made his lips appear slightly pouty. The paleness of his skin seemed to be enhanced by his white v-neck shirt. He was tall or at least compared to my miniscule height he was. Maybe six foot two or around that. Again I was inclined to look down at the table as I seemed to notice for the first time just how attractive he was.

"Desiree?"

My head snapped up when he called my name. "Huh?"

"Are you alright?" his eyebrows furrowed in question.

"Uhm," I shook my head to clear my mind. "Yeah I was just uhm." I drank some coffee to think of some excuse. "I was just thinking of when I would be available. Uhm Sundays at noon."

"Done, we can start tomorrow if you want."

"For sure. Uhm my house or your house?"

"Well you say you have a piano? Is it tuned?"

I bit my lip and pulled it to the side. "I really can't say."

"Well how about I go to your house to check whether it's tuned or not and we can practice there?"

"Okay, that sounds alright. Do you want my address?"

"Yes that would certainly help."

I laughed and felt a bit silly for asking. I quickly took out a piece of paper and scribbled the address quickly. I handed him the piece of paper and he read it I watched as he read it and raked his top teeth over his bottom lip turning the rosy flesh newly red. Once he finished reading he put the note in his jean pocket. He looked at me and I felt odd, I didn't know what to say.

"We're out of coffee." He pointed out. He raised his cup and shook as if to prove his point. I glanced at my own and saw that he was right.

"That we are." I agreed.

"Come, let's take a walk." I watched as he stood and placed his jacket over his arm, then I got up put my laptop back in its case along with my manuscript. I slung the bag over my shoulder and picked up my gray cardigan the weather had become warmer I would not need it.

Once out of the coffee shop I asked, "Where are we going?"

"Nowhere in particular, I'm just not ready to go on my own."

And so we kept walking around just talking with each other, getting to know one another better. It was nice, it was different from my everyday routine, and it felt safe. I wasn't wary of him, I couldn't. He inspired safety as if there was some sort of aura around him that did not set of any of my internal alarms but rather drew me in.

Before I knew it we had arrived back to the coffee shop where we both had parked our cars. I checked my watch and saw that is was nearing four.

"Oh god I'm late." I said and quickly hurried to my car.

"I'm sorry I made you late." He said and I noticed he was following me.

"Oh it's not your fault we just got caught up." I reached my car and unlocked it, then I turned to say goodbye to him, "sorry to just leave all of a sudden but I promised my friend I'd catch a movie with him."

He smirked at me, "are you sure he's not your boyfriend?"

I laughed, "Why would I ever lie about that?"

"I don't know, you tell me."

"Relationships aren't my thing, believe me."

"Alright then, don't want an angry boyfriend looking for a fight because he thinks I'm trying to get at his girl."

Was he trying to get at me? If he was then…well we had a problem.

"Even if I did I don't see why they would think you're trying to get at me. We're merely friends."

"True." He nodded, "I believe you have to go."

"Oh right! Thank you so much for…well for everything. I had a good time, believe me."

"Thank _you. _What you're doing for me is more than what I could have asked for."

I smiled as we shook hands. "I'll call you as soon as I find out if they're interested or not."

"Sounds good. See you tomorrow then?"

"You bet." He reached behind me and opened my car door for me. I tried to contain the slight pinkness of my cheeks that was spreading over my face.

"Thank you." I murmured as I got in. once I was in he closed the door and leaned in.

"Tomorrow at twelve then?"

"yes." I said in a much quieter voice.

We both seemed to notice our proximity and we pulled back at the same time.

"Well…enjoy your movie then." He said as I turned on the car.

"Thank you." I called and waved as I pulled out of the parking space.

* * *

><p>Once Declan and I were out of the theater I began to yawn.<p>

"What? It's fucking early des! Wake up!" he shook me gently and I smiled and leaned against him. He laughed and pulled me close to his side as we walked through the mall.

He was right; it was really early it was only seven. I wasn't sure why I felt tired.

"Did you like the movie?" I asked.

"Eh it wasn't what I was expecting. But it was decent. And you?"

"Interesting plot, horrible dialogue."

"I have to agree on that. Want some ice cream?"

"Sure."

I sat down on a table and waited as he went to go get ice cream. I roughly rubbed my face with my hands. A cold gust of wind passed by, raising Goosebumps on my skin. I pulled my coat tighter around me. Only Declan and I would think of eating ice cream in such weather.

"Here," he handed me my cone and sat down on the chair opposite of me.

"So…explain to me why you were late."

I licked the ice cream off of my lips before I spoke. "What are you my dad?"

"No just a friend that waited like an idiot at the mall because her friend was late and we missed the earlier showing of the movie."

I laughed; he looked like a small child the ice cream on his lips did not help the situation.

"Calm down little lion. I met up with Edward, the guy I'm helping with his story."

"Oh right. How did that go?"

"It was fun. I mean once we were done discussing his book we talked about other things. Guess what?"

He looked up from his ice cream, "what?"

"I will finally put that piano you gave me to good use." I smiled proudly.

"Why is that?"

"Edward offered free lessons for helping him with his book."

"That's nice of him. You look excited."

"I am I've been wanting to learn for some time." he smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. In fact he seemed out of it since I met up with him. It wasn't hard to notice the source of his distraction.

"What's going on?" I finally asked.

He sighed and leaned back on the chair, he closed his eyes for a moment. "She called me today."

I felt a wave of anger as he said this. I tried to maintain a calm voice, I was not a naturally violent person but I didn't react well when they messed with me or the ones I cared about.

"And?" I snapped. I noticed my own sharp tone and told myself to calm down.

"She wants' me back."

"Well I'm not surprised, she probably lost more of a man than the one she had in your bed when you caught her…tell me you're not considering it."

"I want to. But I have to be realistic. I know myself and I don't forgive so easily. I could give it a try but by the time I found it in me to forgive her she would already be long gone."

"But it hurts to deny her." I guessed instead of answering he covered his face with his hands.

"Is it possible to love and hate someone?"

That was something I could not answer. I'd never experienced either emotion. True I disliked crystal, I was angry at her for what she did to Declan. But more than feeling hate I thought her stupid. She realized too late what a great man she had. She let it slip between her fingers. For someone so hard and wrathful Declan had loved her deeply. He changed when he met her; life had not treated him kindly so I was happy when he met her. She seemed like a genuine person. After she cheated on him I thought that his bad side would resurface and come back ten times stronger. Instead he seemed more vulnerable than ever. It was odd, to see him like this. After we met he had become my protector in many ways. Now it seemed our roles were switched.

But I didn't think I hated her. I was not by nature a hateful person either. Love, I didn't know any love that wasn't family love. Often I wondered if I was capable of having such a feeling. I suppose I did, but I saw what love did to people more often than not it destroyed them. If I was honest with myself I'd been ripped apart too much to risk experiencing the bittersweet emotion that everyone sought for so desperately. I do not think I would be able to experience heartbreak and still be the person I'd worked so hard on being.

"I think anything is possible. But don't hate her Declan, pity her. Her mistake must be costing her a lot if she was forced to call and beg for you to take her back."

"How do you do that?"He raised his head and looked at me through watery eyes.

"What?"

"How is it that despite all you have been through you remain so compassionate?"

"What's the point of being hateful Declan? Hate makes you bitter and seeing as how we're still alive there's no point on ruining the rest of your life over someone else's mistakes. Life is bad enough without trying don't make it more miserable on purpose."

He looked at me for a while then he reached out to stroke my face.

"I always thought of you as a sad nymph you know? There's a certain sadness that's just permanently etched into your eyes. It's dissolved a great deal since I met you, but I still see it when you're lost in thought. Up to this day it doesn't look like you have been corrupted by the ways of this world. I'm proud of you des."

"Why?" I whispered.

He scooted his chair closer to me and pulled me into his arms. "Since I met you I saw you as vulnerable I felt the need to protect you. But you have proven yourself to be strong. You're still here and you're as good as you were the day I met you despite the shitty life you have led."

A small sob ripped through me before I found my voice to speak, "I still fight with myself every day. It's like an internal battle that will never end. One day I know I'll slip and give up."

"You're strong. I know you'll pull through."

"What if it never goes away? What if this feeling plagues me for all of my life? It won't be any different than being dead."

I looked up at him he too was silently crying. Another gust of wind passed and he pulled me in closer, he always was the protector.

"It does disappear des…it did for me."

"But at what cost? I can't rely on such a feeling Declan. It's not…it's not stable, it's not safe. It could destroy me at any moment."

"I know how you feel des, and you're right but you who are so positive at anything even when you have every right to be a miserable wretch, you need to stop being so negative in your own life."

"How do you manage to pull through?"

"I can't let myself go, there's still someone that needs me."

I fisted my hand in his shirt as if to hold him there. "I will always need you with me."

He ruffled my hair, "I sure hope you do."

After a while we both headed off in different directions. As I drove I hoped he would decide to move back in soon. I really missed his company. Ever since I'd lost my brother he was there with me; I relied on him maybe too much, but he probably relied on me just as much especially right now.

When I got into bed I glanced at the empty space next to me. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to find someone, but If I ever did find that person I know I wouldn't take the chance. I did not like the unknown, because any bad step could bring everything crumbling down. I could not understand why I tried so hard to make it though the days. But it felt like such a necessity.

I arranged my pillows in such a way that I was boxed within them, much like the way a mother places pillows next to a baby to keep them from rolling over and falling from the bed. Here, caged within these pillows I felt safe and comfortable, maybe it was silly but I felt protected. It wasn't long before I was in a deep slumber.


	4. come in closer

i sincerely apologize for taking so long to update this. i will try to make my updates much more faster but please bear with me.

without further ado enjoy! and don't be afraid to leave your comments!

* * *

><p><strong>Edward's P.O.V<strong>

"How's my lovely baby?" I pressed the phone between my shoulder and my ear as I flipped a pancake in the pan.

"Growing stronger with each passing day." As I heard her soft voice I could imagine her looking at her stomach, gently rubbing it. What I wouldn't give to be there with her. I was already counting down the days until I could see her again.

"I feel like by the time you get back to me that baby will already be in your arms."

"I wish he would come that soon I don't know how I'm going to manage waiting for five more months."

"The time will go by faster than you can imagine."

"I doubt that." she sighed. "Anyways, I will let you get started on your day, don't want to hold you back now."

We quickly said our goodbyes and just for the sake of not eating in silence I turned on the small kitchen T.V.

By eleven thirty I was heading to Desiree's house.

The directions were quite simple, and she did not live too far from my house. At least twenty minutes from my house by car. Soon I was driving by a calm neighborhood and came to a stop in front of a warm looking blue house with a white roof. Two small windows peeked out from it. The white porch held a light wooden bench swing adorned with colorful cushions.

I parked in front of the house and reached for my black leather messenger bag. Quickly, I walked through the small cement path that divided the green lawn, past the two trees towering on either side of the house providing it with shade.

Once within the porch I noticed the small empty dog bed close to the swing, I knocked and stood there waiting as I inspected the door. Its frame was much too big for the single door. Instead there were two single paned windows on each side; covered by thin see through beige curtains.

I jumped slightly when a small white terrier appeared on the left window pane, ferociously barking at me. I smiled down at him and he instantly became quiet but looked at me with untrusting eyes. Moments later I heard the click of a lock and the golden handle of the door turned. I looked down at a very paint smudged face. Desiree's long dark brown hair was piled into a messy bun. Her brown shorts and blue shirt were spotted with blues, greens, and browns as were her legs, arms, cheeks and nose.

One look into her quizzical expression and I knew she'd either lost track of time or had forgotten.

"Oh hi! Shit," she awkwardly shuffled her bare feet as if trying to hide them.

"You forgot," I ascertained and her natural pink hue of her cheeks darkened.

"Sorry, here come in."

"We don't have to-"

"Come in," she said forcibly and I found myself not daring to say no she closed the door behind me and spoke, "let me go get cleaned up. You can take a look at the piano if you would like."

"Okay,"

"I won't be gone long,"

We heard a low growl and we both turned to see her dog growling menacingly at me.

"Be nice tack," she scolded and picked him up. "Be right back," she said and walked down a bright corridor.

I stood there for a while and looked at the living room. There was a certain aura about the room that made it feel homely. The soft pastel green color of the walls had a nice contrast with the beige and cream colored tones of the furniture and the immaculate rug. The room was so tidy I felt the need to remove my shoes so as not to ruin the carpet. I spotted the piano pressed against the wall and inched closer to it. There were some papers sprawled across the top I noticed they were music sheets. The notes were handwritten and there were annotations and scribbles everywhere.

I heard footsteps coming back into the room and turned to see she had changed into a new set of clean pants and a plaid flannel shirt.

"Sorry I completely lost track of time painting."

"Oh its fine, don't worry." I motioned to the papers on the piano. "You write music?"

"Oh yeah a little. I'm not that great but I enjoy it."

"I think you're being too modest."

"You've never even heard my music."

"Yes well you seem like one of those people that are good at whatever they do."

"Thanks." She bit her lip to contain her embarrassed but pleased smile. "So is it tuned?"

I turned to the piano and played a few keys. "Sounds alright to me. It's a good thing you can read music. You'll learn faster."

"Well let's get started then."

We both took a seat on the piano bench and started to do the basics.

It was easy to lose track of time with her. the fact that she was an avid reader only made it that much easier to lose track. Before we knew it we'd spent about two hours on the piano. We came to a stop and she put her arms in front of her to stretch.

"Well I will definitely be practicing this until next Saturday."

"Well you're getting the hang of it very fast."

"Thanks…play something."

"What?"

"Play something. I want to see how much talent you possess." She playfully nudged my shoulder. I smiled and looked down at the keys as I thought about what to play for her. I settled for a piece I had written myself a couple of years ago as a gift for my parents anniversary.

I could not remember when it had been the last time that I played but I felt stress I had not known existed, leave my body. I embraced that pleasant feeling surging from my fingertips to my entire body as I played. All too soon the piece came to an end and I remembered I was not alone. Desiree stared at my hands as they came to a stop and she opened her mouth for a moment then closed it.

"I wrote that" I murmured and her eyes flickered to mines. I had been right her eyes did change color with the light. As the natural light of the sun hit her face her eyes seemed to turn blue grey.

"My god you wrote that?" she said almost in a whisper.

"Was it that bad?"

"Yes it was horrible" she said with a sarcastic roll of her eyes. "Really though, that's…beautiful."

"Thank you."

"Now it only seems fair that you play something too."

"I would but neither of my instruments have any strings at the moment I was actually going to go later today to pick some up."

"Liar."

"It's the truth!"

"Okay but you owe me a demonstration."

She laughed and nodded. "All right next weekend. Do you want a sandwich?"

My stomach seemed to answer her question as it begun to growl at the sound of food. She laughed and got up from the bench.

"Do you need help?"

"Nah its fine," she walked off through a door opposite the room. I smiled and turned back to keep playing the piano. I felt a bit rusty from lack of playing in such a long time. After a while she came back.

"You're a good teacher you know." I stopped and turned to see her sit next to me on the bench and hand me a plate.

"Well it's easy to teach someone that already has music knowledge."

"Well I guess you're right."

We both ate in silence for a moment. She swallowed and spoke.

"Come on let's sit on the couch."

I followed her and plopped myself on the tan leather couch opposite of her. "You have a nice place."

"Thank you. It had been abandoned for so long when I arrived that I had to do some serious remodeling."

"So you bought it?"

She shook her head and swallowed what was in her mouth. "This was my grandparent's house they died about five years ago and they left the house to my mom. But mom likes it so much more in California that she didn't really want the house. She kept it for the sake of the memories you know."

"So you're from California?" she eagerly nodded.

"How did you end up here?"

"I like Seattle. Always loved it and I needed a fresh start; I had too many problems over there. So when I had the opportunity to come and study here I packed my bags and moved here with my best friend."

"Same one that gave you the piano?"

"The very same."

"Oh…so you like it better than California?"

"Yes…the memories are better than the ones I have of California."

"Well as long as it makes you happy. Like I said it's a nice house. You did a great job with the remodeling. How many rooms does it have?"

"Three, plus the attic. Since Declan left I turned into an office."

"And the attic?"

"That's where I paint."

We stopped in mid conversation as we heard small barks and her dog was back.

"And who's this little guy?" her dog stopped and stared at me. I offered him my hand and he began to lick it.

"That is my baby, tack." She beamed at the puppy, "don't worry he's harmless."

"I can see that." I chuckled and took the little ball of hair into my arms. He seemed content with this.

"He likes you." She looked at us in wonder.

"Does he not like people?"

"He doesn't like guys. He only tolerates Declan."

"Well you and your mommy are more alike than she might realize." I spoke to him as I ruffled his hair. "I feel quite honored to be in the presence of the both of you." I spoke to her now. "Neither of you seem to like people very much."

"We've got our reasons. He's a rescued dog. His previous owner had some…serious problems. He killed tack's mom and he and his brothers and sisters were only newborns. They were very mistreated."

I looked down at the puppy and scratched his head; he closed his eyes demonstrating his comfort in my arms.

"What's your story?" I looked up at her and she seemed taken aback for a moment. She pursed her lips and began to play with her fingers while concentrating on her lap.

"My story is…unfortunate." There was a tone of finality to her voice. I didn't push for more as I could sense it was a sensitive topic for her. Not something you would talk about to someone you hardly knew.

"What about you?"

"Excuse me?"

"Have you always lived here?"

"Yes. Since I can remember my parents never liked moving around a lot. Not to mention the family business has always been here."

"Are you the only child?"

"No, I have a brother and a younger sister."

"Are you the eldest?" she removed her brown flats and sat on the couch Indian style.

"Well my brother Emmett is older than me by two months."

"Half brother?"

"He was adopted."

"oh." Her mouth formed a little o shape; I smiled as the expression seemed childish and comical to me.

"I was about three years old when he came into the family. He's my brother regardless of our blood."

"Well he's very fortunate to have you as a brother." I smiled and noticed her dog, tack, had fallen asleep.

"I think we're fortunate to have him in the family. It would not be the same without him. So are you an only child?"

"Unfortunately." She pursed her lips and appeared to be deep in thought. Then in a swift movement she was up and picking up both of our plates. Deciding to follow her into the kitchen I slowly got up trying not to move tack too much. His eyes still opened but he did not move when I settled him back on the couch and moved away.

I quietly pushed open the door to the kitchen and I saw her quietly washing the dishes. The amount of light that filtered through the windows was just as splendid as in the living room and it made the soft pastel yellow color of the walls stand out. Her cupboards were painted sky blue. I could not help but marvel at the homeliness of her house, warmth radiated from all around.

"Want some help?" she jumped when I spoke and sharply turned her head to look at me. "Sorry."

"Oh! Uhm no it's fine."

"Are you all right? You left so suddenly."

"Yeah I'm fine, hey thanks for the lesson. I wanted to learn something new for a while."

"It was my pleasure. So would you like to continue next weekend?"

"Most definitely," she turned off the water and turned to flash me a charming white pearly smile. "Guess what?"

"Yes?" as she dried her hands on a cloth we both took a seat on a chair around the small wooden table.

"I made some calls yesterday regarding the manuscript. I think I might be able to convince them into publishing it. I mean it's nothing solid but I think you have a very good shot."

"Really?" she nodded. "Say if it was accepted, what would happen then?"

"Negotiations with the house to buy rights to the story and all those shenanigans." She rolled her eyes but kept a content smile. "Then we get to work on the editing and illustrations and all that fun stuff."

"So you'll be my editor?"

"I will if you want me to."

"Well of course I want you to. I think you're perfect for the job."

"Aw shucks, I'm blushing." As if on cue her rosy cheeks slightly darkened and she covered them upon realization. I laughed at her mannerisms she had an interesting way of moving, I could not explain it. They reminded me of the soft delicate movements of those animated female characters.

She set her hands down and laid them on the table. I sensed her looking for a topic of conversation, I was doing the same.

"What made you decide to look for a publisher?"

"Well it was mostly my sister, Alice. I mean I showed the early drafts to most of my family, but my sister kept badgering me to consider it."

"She must really believe in the stories potential."

"You could say that. I think she feels like it would make me be happier about my life."

Her eyebrows knitted together and she leaned on her crossed arms. "What do you mean?"

"This is going to take some time." I warned her with a small smile.

"I'll make some coffee." She said sliding off the chair, I chuckled. "I'm listening." She said as she turned her back and busied herself around the kitchen.

As I spoke I kept my eyes trained on her small frame as she worked expertly around the kitchen.

"Are you unhappy Edward?"

Unhappy? How could I be unhappy? I had an amazing family, a beautiful wife and I was going to become a father. I had a good job- though not my ideal job- and it would help me provide my child with everything he would ever need and more. How could I be unhappy?

"I'm not unhappy, I don't mean to sound conceited but I have a very good life. I can't complain."

"Then why would she think you are unhappy?"

"I think what she means by being unhappy, is that I'm unhappy with my job"

Alice and I were always very close, we talked about nearly everything. While I had never straight out told her I disliked my job she was quick to realize the problem.

"To me the future was always something I had looked forward to. From an early age I had my future planned out, I would become a musician. Or something of the sort, I'd considered history when I was older. My parents knew my goals but I don't think dad ever took it seriously until I got older. He would talk about my future in his company and he made it clear that that was his wish for me. He worked with me at the time to send out college applications, looked for good colleges focusing on business."

"Didn't you ever tell him what you wanted?"

"Sure I did, like I said I'd always said it. But he never took it seriously. I don't know if he ever realized he was pressuring me into following his footsteps. He always went on about how his two sons would follow in the family business; I guess I didn't want to disappoint him so I allowed him to drag me into it."

"Uh" she grunted and I saw her trying to raise herself on her tiptoes to reach the mugs. I smiled and got up, gently pushing her aside and reaching for the cups myself. "Thanks" she smiled quietly. "So now your job is making you unhappy?"

We both worked together making our own cups of coffee and talking at the same time.

"I guess you could say so. It consumes so much of my time; I probably wouldn't mind if it's something I enjoyed doing."

"They say when you do something you enjoy you never work a day in your life." she said as she took a seat on the chair again and I followed.

"And I'm a strong believer of that. I mean, I bet you love everything you do."

"Most of my jobs I do them out of pleasure not necessity. I mean could easily make a good living with just my job at the publishing house but then that leaves me with time in my hands."

"You don't like that," I assumed

"Not particularly…I don't like to have too much time to think, for personal reasons."

"You are strange you know?"

She looked down and played with the rim of her cup. "I've heard that before. But anyways this isn't about me. So how does your sister see this as better?"

"She thinks if I were to publish a book I'd be making a small part of my dreams come true. I love to write just like I love to write music. And If I could do that for a living, I think it would make me feel better."

She smiled at me, a compassionate smile, and then she reached over to rub my back. "We'll get your book published. I know it."

"You have no idea how much I appreciate that."

"But are you sure that you want to spend the rest of your life regretting not being able to do everything you dreamed of?"

This girl really did get my mind working more than I was used to.

"Ever since I began to work in the company I've stopped making plans for the future. Sure I have a good life but I guess in a way it will always be incomplete. As far as I know I'll always be working there and I suppose that I will regret it."

"I think you ought to talk to your dad. I understand you don't want to disappoint him but this is your life. I mean, it's easy for him to do and say because it's not his life that's being controlled. He's lived what he's had to live now it's your turn to do what you want."

I stared for a long while at her. Alice had told me similar things for such a long time, yet when Desiree said it, it seemed like it actually made sense, and I agreed with her words. Her passion as she spoke made me feel like this was her we were talking about and not me.

"Well I can't say I disagree, but it's more complicated than that."

"Only if you make it."

I couldn't see how I was making things complicated for myself but I was saved from giving some sort of response by her dog scratching at the door. She got up to open it and saw him sitting down as he wagged his tail and held his leash in his mouth.

"Really tack? Now?" she sighed and stared at the dog as he whined. I smiled sympathetically at him.

"Well Desiree you don't want to have a neglected dog do you?"

"I suppose…would you like to join us?"

I suppose I checked my watch out of mere habit as the truth was I was free all day. Smiling to myself I accepted the invitation. She momentarily retrieved back into her room as I gathered my stuff. Tack was running about excited as he seemed to understand we would be taking him out;

"Ready?" she'd only gone into her room to retrieve a cardigan and a couple of plastic bags. I ran to my car to put away my things then I catched up to the both of them.

"Okay tack if you behave and stay close I won't put the leash on you alright?" he seemed to get the message as he kept close to use as we walked.

"Smart dog" I commented.

"Oh yes, he makes me proud." She beamed. A beeping noise protruded from her sweater pocket and she pulled out the phone to answer.

The weather was nice for Seattle. The sun was bright yet the air was chilly. I stuck my hands in the pockets of my jacket and walked straight ahead with her. I hadn't heard from Bella since our morning call. It was rather odd; I had expected her to call more seeing as how I was free. But I suppose she must be too busy getting back in touch with her family.

"At nine?" coming back to my senses I heard her speaking into the phone. "Yeah I'll be there. I got a couple you might like I'll bring them over alright?" her expression appeared contemplative. "All right Hun take care."

"Sorry, my best friend, Declan, he's a tattoo artist and he wanted a bit of help on some designs."

"Oh if you have other things to do don't let me hold you back." I didn't want to waste her time.

"No it's fine I'm going to meet up with him tonight. I've got time trust me."

"Alright. Funny how you still got time despite all the things you do. Isn't it frustrating?"

"Sometimes. I mean I can manage my time but sometimes it feels like too much. I've been considering dropping yoga for a while now but I'm not sure. Like I said I like to follow a routine."

"Don't you get bored of it?"

"Don't you?"

I suppose my routine was rather tedious, and repetitive. It would even be boring but I had Bella. With her it did not matter how repetitive each day was, I had never even thought about it until now. As long as she was with me I was never bored of life. But Desiree, alone as she was, how could she not grow weary of such a structured routine. I don't think I could have bared it if I was to be put within her shoes.

"I suppose my routine is rather repetitive. But I think falling into routine is not something that is possible to evade."

"Exactly, the question is whether you make that routine enjoyable or boring, don't you think?"

I smiled; I liked the positivity of her character. "Yes I suppose you're right."

We'd walked for roughly an hour before we made our way back to her house. By then the daylight was fast escaping. Once back to her house I made a quick departure to my home. I could not wait to hear Bella's voice, I was rather needy.

I was glad to find that she answered my call after the first ring. "I missed you." I spoke into the receiver.

"About time you called, I was just thinking about you."

"I'm sorry love, I got caught up."

"It's fine I had a busy day too. Guess what?"

"Tell me."

"Grandma and Grandpa called, they are coming to visit us."

From the tone of her voice I was able to sense something more coming from this. "But?"

"They won't arrive until next month. They really want to see me."

"Oh…so that means."

"It means that, if you're fine with it, I would stay here for the two weeks they will be visiting."

"Why are you doing this to me?" I groaned and fell into the couch.

"Oh Edward I've missed them so much!" she begged. Like I would ever say no to her. "Maybe you can arrange something and come over to join me."

I doubted I would be able to but I didn't completely rule out the possibility. "I'll see what I can do but I won't promise anything…love I swear when you get back you will pay me back for this."

"I'll be more than happy to pay you back for all your troubles sweet man." She better, I could feel trouble stirring underneath my pants.

"All right all right, don't start anything yet or I will demand you get back on a plane tonight."

She laughed at that. "So have you thought of any baby names?"

"Isn't it a bit too soon for that? I mean we don't even know if it's going to be a boy or a girl."

"It's going to be a boy. I just know it. And it will be just as handsome as his father."

"Or it could be a beautiful baby girl with beautiful brown curls and captivating chocolate brown eyes."

"You mean mud colored eyes." she was clearly displeased, before I could have this never ending argument with her, she cut me off. "But anyways, it's never too soon to start thinking of names. And we can think for both boy and girl names."

"Okay I know you have already been thinking of some and you are dying to tell me about them."

"Really? I'm that predictable?"

"Love we grew up together, I think I know you better than your own mother. Well go ahead now."

"Well I don't know I don't want a name that is too common. I've been looking into some though, what do you think about Adriel?"

I think my silence was enough of an answer for her. "Well I'm also looking into their meaning and I liked It." she defended.

"Any others in mind?"

"Brody?"

"Ugh no, no son of mine will be named Brody. Have you thought about any girl ones? There's a lot more variety of unusual names there."

"Since you think it's going to be a girl why don't you look for those names and I'll look for boy's names yeah?"

"Okay that sounds about right. You have to start thinking of better names though. Or else I will refuse to name him."

"So you acknowledge it's a boy!"

"Let's not argue about this right now."

"Because I'm right. It's mother's intuition honey."

I laughed. This woman really was ready to become a mother and she was quite eager as well.

"And Edward better learn not to doubt a mother's intuition." Renee's voice, Bella's mother could be heard from the other side.

"Tell your mom I send lot's of love."

"She says she misses you."

"I do too…I'll see what I can do maybe I will be able to visit if at least for a weekend."

"Oh I really hope you can!" she said between a yawn.

"Go to sleep love you need all the rest you can get. I hear you will receive very little once that little creature is born."

"Hmm you're probably right."

"I love you."

"I love you too. This is going to be such a long wait."

"Ah," I groaned as I slipped into the big empty bed. "Don't remind me of that."

"I'm sorry."

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight." She softly replied.

I hung up the phone and set it on the bedside table. I turned on my side as I thought of tomorrow. After having such an interesting weekend with Desiree tomorrow would be much duller than usual. I tried to push away her thoughts about the position I was in. If I was being honest with myself I envied her to a certain extent. I envied her freedom. Like I had said to her, it was too late for me to do anything about it. There was no point to it any longer. I had to be happy with what I had, and now my wife and baby were all I could possibly want.

The week went by without incident. I came to the realization that aside from Bella and my family my life did not consist of much else. I like to think I wasn't the only one in this position and that that was the way it was for all married men.

Though I hadn't heard from Desiree since Sunday we had agreed to meet at her house on Saturday.

When I knocked on her door I heard tack scratch at it and bark. I wasn't expecting it when the door burst open and Desiree threw her body onto mines hugging me and saying, "they approved it!" she repeated this and then she pulled back to look at me. I'm sure my expression must have shown utter confusion. I was unsure as to what she was saying.

"What?"

Her brilliant blue eyes seemed lively and excited, it was a whole new Desiree "you're getting published!"


	5. song from a secret garden

I tried to quicken the pace of the story a bit without completely ruining it. I hope I got it right. The next update will be soon I promise and if you like it please do review. It helps me work faster.

* * *

><p><strong>Desiree <strong>

The chief editor was a very nice person; Mr. Madera was always very good to me. I don't think I ever asked him for any sort of favors, I was good at being independent. So when I walked into his office with Edwards manuscript in hand and asked him to read it he immediately said of course. Thinking back on it I'd like to think he was able to see how passionate I seemed about this story. I am positive my eagerness was quite evident.

What made this story so good? Besides being well written I was able to identify with so many of his characters. It didn't have a happy ending, but it was a very accurate portrayal of the cruelties of the world and it still managed to hold some hope for the reader. I'm sure I wasn't the only one that would find the same connection that I found with the book and it deserved to get out there.

Mr. Madera had agreed to pay special attention to it and just as expected he'd been hooked from the very beginning. Over the course of the week the manuscript was passed around many other editors and most of them had been astounded by its raw intensity. Approving it was a piece of cake. On Friday night I'd been called to tell Edward that it had been approved.

To say he was delighted was a deep understatement. He was beyond elated. The next weekend he had been quick to make negotiations to start the editing process as soon as possible. We spent various nights working over it. He would come to my house and do whatever work he had left while I edited and made suggestions on what could be replaced or changed. Over that same week I finally convinced myself I was doing one job too much. I stopped doing yoga and the art classes. But I had taken a liking to visiting Declan to help him with tattoo designs. All of this happened over the span of one seemingly short week.

Tonight was much the same, it was Friday night and Edward was on the phone speaking with his mother explaining he had a lot of work to do and he couldn't visit them tonight. As he hanged up the phone I swallowed the Chinese food in my mouth and spoke.

"This part doesn't sound right to me."

He turned his tired eyes to me and then leaned over to see the passage I had circled. I pushed the manuscript between the both of us as he read it.

"What exactly is unclear to you?"

"Well he's contradicting himself with what he stated before. Was this done on purpose or what?"

"Where does it contradict?"

"Right here." I began flipping back through the pages.

"Well that's the point of it all, can you see how much more complex it makes the characters?" he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and loosened his tie. "I want to make him seem more-"

"Realistic" I finished. "Okay I see it. Yeah it gives the character more complexity; everyone contradicts themselves."

"Exactly." I nodded and scribbled something on the page. As I felt his gaze on me I stopped and looked at him.

"What?"

"You really are looking at every single detail aren't you?"

I shrugged, "it's my job, and it's what I do."

"Do you put all this attention to all your projects?"

"I would like to think so. But then again I don't think anyone other one of my projects has been etched so deeply into my mind as yours."

He didn't respond, merely looked back at the paper work before him and wrote on it with a smile.

"What are you doing tomorrow?" I asked.

"Uhm…come give you your piano lessons?"

"Want to come with Declan and me? The weather should be nice tomorrow; we were planning on going hiking. I don't know it seemed to me like it's something you would enjoy."

He let out a breath. "Haven't gone hiking in…years." I thought he would decline my offer. "I don't see why not. What time?"

"Well…were early risers Declan and I."

"I think I can take It." he smirked.

"Five thirty in the morning. Meet me here then we can go pick up Declan."

"I'll be here bright and early then."

And indeed he was. The next day at five sharp he was knocking on my door all dressed in sweats and a hoodie. It was odd, I saw him nearly every day and almost all the time he was in a suit, save for weekends. To see him so casual was eerie.

"Nice." I commented as I finished putting up my hair in a pony tail.

"Likewise." He walked in and handed me a cup of coffee. "Hope I got it right."

I took a sip of it and scrunched my face as I felt it burn my tongue. He laughed at my expression.

"Somehow I always manage to burn myself. But yeah it's perfect thank you."

"You're welcome. You should put on a sweater it's still cold outside."

"Yeah thanks I'll be right back. Could you be a dear and leave some food for tack? Please."

"Sure where is it?"

"Bottom cupboard next to the fridge."

* * *

><p>"Hey Hun." I sang as Declan came to a stop in front of my car. He chewed his gum and stared through his sunglasses. "What's this?" He asked motioning to Edward. I glanced apologetically at Edward who didn't seem unfazed by Declans tone.<p>

"Be nice and hop on to the back."

I could almost see the eye roll behind the ray bans but he got in anyways. "Declan this Edward the guy whose book I'm editing. Edward this is Declan my best friend."

"Nice to meet you." Edward called to him politely.

"Hmm" Declan grunted.

"I'm sorry," I explained, "like me he doesn't take to strangers well; unlike me he's a bit more hostile. He'll get over it."

"It's fine." He said and leaned his head back.

It took us about twenty minutes to reach the forest. The first five minutes it was quiet and while I was not unused to it, it was rather unnerving in the moment.

"Will somebody break this tension already?" I blurted as I made a right turn.

"You sent me to the back seat." Declan complained.

"Grow up Declan." I chuckled.

"Fine, pass me your coffee," I did as he asked.

"So that's the reason behind the grudge?"

"I overslept." He said and sat there sipping from the cup.

But again the conversation died. I sighed and simply pressed play on my iPod. I wasn't irritated. I knew it would be awkward; Declan and I were such introverts that connecting with others was difficult. It was safe to say that Declan had enough ugly encounters with humans to dislike them so much. Quite a fucked up pair we were.

The sun came up about twenty minutes into our hike. It was clear that Edward didn't hike as often as Declan and I did. The steep slopes seemed to be getting the best of him and I took compassion of that fact. Declan who could care less was well ahead of us.

He took notice of this and turned around, his voice laced with exasperation. I was glad Edward didn't seem offended by it.

"Are you guys coming or what?" I was by no means tired but I was taking it easy to stay with Edward.

"You go on ahead. I wanna rest." He shot me a knowing look but turned and continued walking. I walked a little ways of the trail and plopped myself on the ground. Edward followed as I removed my sunglasses. After a few moments of silence he seemed to have regained enough breath to speak.

"You didn't have to do that." he said. I smiled and pretended to swipe sweat off my forehead.

"Do what?" I asked squinting as the sunlight was hitting us directly.

"Stop to give me a break."

"What kind of a person invites another person to go on a hike and then leaves them? Tell me would you do that?"

He remained silent but there was a small smile on his face.

"I didn't think so." We both let out a small laugh. "I hope Declan isn't making you feel bad."

He closed his eyes and shook his copper mane. "I came here for you not him. Besides I've dealt with plenty of assholes in my life. No offense."

"None taken, I thought he was an asshole when I met him." I offered.

"How did you meet him?"

"It's a long, complicated and rather tragic story." Despite this I smiled as I remembered that day. I'd tried to attack him with a plastic knife after he had blown up my very last nerve.

"Well I'm surprised you managed to form such a relationship with someone like him."

"It was difficult at first…but he gets me, I get him. That makes up for everything else."

"I'm assuming not many people understand you."

"Well that makes me sound like some misunderstood teenager. More like he's the only one that puts up with my self deprecation. Plus he's the only one I truly trust with my secrets."

"Murders you've committed?" he teased. I smiled and bumped his shoulder with my own.

"A few." I joked, then said in a more serious tone, "thanks for coming. Despite the inconvenience, I'm glad you came."

"I'm glad I came. I missed doing this kind of thing. I used to come with my brothers but something about the married life keeps you from doing a lot of things."

"Yeah…I don't know marriage doesn't appeal to me."

"Why is that?"

"I think I would feel…trapped." More than I already do, "I don't know my reasoning is a bit odd."

"No I think I understand it. Still I can't say I agree with it."

"To each their own." I shrugged and he seemed to agree. "Shall we continue?" he didn't answer but simply got up and helped me to my feet. We kept at a slow pace making small conversation on meaningless things that simply helped us learn more about each other. When we reached the area where I had parked my car Declan was already leaning on the side of the car.

"Took you long enough." He said though he didn't turn his head or make any sign that he had seen us, it was impossible to tell where his eyes were through his ray bans.

"Stop whining" I chided him and he pressed his lips in a thin line. "You coming back home with me?" I asked him.

"Nah I got work. This guy made an appointment and I need to go open up the store today."

"Alright then. Maybe I'll swing by later today."

"Alright give me a call." we'd reached his apartment building and he was gathering his things to leave.

"Will do, and cheer up."

"Yeah, yeah." He muttered and walked off.

"Well he's charming." I laughed at Edwards comment.

"Definitely. You'd think that being a tattoo artist he would be covered in them."

"I was thinking of that." he admitted.

When we reached the house I pulled into the driveway next to his car. I turned off the engine and he turned his body to face me.

"So how about those classes after a healthy run?"

I glanced at my watch, "don't you want to go home and wash up?"

"Well I did bring extra clothes; if you don't mind lending me your bathroom."

"Alright then," I murmured as I undid my seatbelt and opened my car door. "It's a plan"

He followed after me as I led him to the front porch.

**Edward's P.O.V**

Once inside she led me to one of the rooms in the house.

"you can shower here," she said and stopped talking when she saw me looking around.

This kind of room was the kind I had only ever seen on TV or in pictures. It seemed like it was the master bedroom. The entire furniture was white; the bed frame was wood painted white with an intricate canopy shaped like branches. They had been wrapped with a web of artificial pearl white roses. And just at the center there was an overflowing blue veil made of something like gossamer. It fell gracefully over the bed and covered it. The mattress was covered with an elegant white bedspread and white pillows. But what really took my attention were the walls. They were painted a soft blue pastel color and decorating it were pearl white branches; from either side of the room the branches went in the same direction to meet at the center wall of the room tangling directly above the bed and just underneath them, neatly printed in writing that seemed to be created from the same branches there was a single sentence written in Latin.

sentimus experimurque nos aeternos

"Did you do this?" I said trying to decipher what the writing meant.

"For the most part; I helped a little with the bed, but only very little. Declan really has a hand for this kind of things. I painted the room though." She seemed to notice my gaze had fallen on the script. "We feel and now we are eternal."

I turned surprised at her proximity, "that's what it says"

"Why?"

"This is the master bedroom, when I moved in I didn't have the heart to take it for myself. It was my grandparent's bedroom. So I remodeled it for them. The only person that ever uses it is my mom on the rare occasion that she visits. She says it makes her feel like she's reached heaven. Look."

She walked over to the windows and closed the white satin curtains making the room as dark as possible. When she turned on the light the ends of the branches around the room lit up as well the poles of the canopy. On the roof, fairy lights were placed in such a manner that they resembled twinkling stars. I was awestruck by the beauty of it.

"I can certainly see why she would think this way. You ought to make a living out of this."

She threw a smile in my direction, and turned off the lights and pushed back the curtains again. "Thank you. I will admit I'm not humble when it comes to my work. I pride myself in it. It's one of the things I feel like I'm actually good at."

I was surprised at that. Desiree with a bad self esteem? It didn't fit. "What are you talking about? You paint, you make and play music, you write, you're active, I've tried you're food and you are an amazing cook. Save that I'm not good enough crap for someone who actually has no talent."

She smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. "I know I can make things. It's a skill I've perfected over years of empty time."

It struck me that the source of harmed self esteem came from loneliness.

"You say your mom rarely visits?"

"Like I said she and I have problems bonding with each other. Some sort of psychological trauma on both sides."

I wanted to ask more. I wanted to be able to give her some sort of word of comfort. I managed to gently tug her by my side and pull her into a tight embrace that made her stiffen and after a moment she hesitantly wrapped her arms around me.

"You're a good friend." I murmured into her ear.

And then in a small voice that made her sound like a vulnerable kid she said, "You're a good hugger."

We both trembled with quiet laughs and I pulled her back to gauge her expression. The light hit her face and her proximity allowed me closer inspection of the ornate spheres that were her eyes. Blue morphing into grey towards the outside, green and brown flecks scattered around the iris. I was entranced much like a snake was to the music of its master.

I remember that moment as if it had been yesterday. Of course back then out of ignorance I had not registered the foreign feeling that had centered around my chest and plunged into my stomach. Instead she pulled away and my subconscious pushed aside the feeling.

"I'll go get you a towel." She left quickly and I was left to go into the pristine white bathroom. Once I was showered I remembered I had forgotten my bag with my clothes inside the car. In the bedroom she had left a neatly folded towel on the bed and at the foot of the bed laid my bag.

As I dressed a sad wailing sound rang throughout the house. I followed the beautiful sound of the violin, a ladder was pulled down in the middle of the hallway and I quietly hoisted myself onto it and went up. This place was almost as spectacular as the other one mostly because of the windows. The amount of windows was amazing it was like there was almost no roof above us. The walls and parts of the roof were splattered with pain as well as the floor. And even the lounge that was situated underneath a window was spotted with paint in an almost painterly way that made me think it could have been done on purpose. To the other far side of the room there was a clean canvas and next to it a small desk cluttered with all sorts of paint, paintbrushes, rags and other art instruments. My attention was brought back to the exquisite cry of the violin. She stood in front of red paint spotted couch, her back turned to me and facing a window. The small violin pressed between her shoulder and her jaw. Her hair was still wet from her shower, she was dressed in a simple lose fitting gray sweater and jeans. She held her violin as though it were fragile. Her fingers gently curving over the strings shifting back and forth in slow movements to created the emotional notes. She held her bow as if it was light as a feather, gently balancing it across the chords.

I had not realized I'd been walking towards her. I stepped in front of her swaying body. Eyes were closed but she smiled in acknowledgement that I was here. When the music died down she opened her eyes. "I never did show you any of my pieces."

"You wrote that?" it was my turn to be stunned about her musical ability.

"Is it really that unbelievable?" she set her violin on the couch and took a seat next to it. I followed after her; the tune still rang throughout my head.

"It's beautiful; Though sad."

"The violin is a sad instrument." She pointed out, which I supposed was true, the cry of a violin tended to have a sad note to it. "But in its essence it is. I find I create the best work when I'm sad."

I looked around me and thought of her grandparent's room. "Sadness must be a constant emotion for you." There was no expression on her face. She merely accepted what I had pointed out.

"Happiness is more of a foreign feeling than sadness is."

I don't know when I had decided to gain her trust. Gaining her trust would mean she would explain to me her life. A life that I had to admit I was very curious about. I supposed I had also, unconsciously, resolved to bring that foreign feeling of happiness to her.

These decisions, as well, had never been fully registered by my mind. Because I seemed to have forgotten my place and boundaries as a married man, something I suppose I subconsciously pushed away in my mind in those times, until it could no longer be ignored.

The days passed, our job was finished in the editing stage. She had really worked tirelessly. But instead of our constant meeting coming to an end they became something daily. Just on the few occasions that I had to go visit my parents did I not go to her house. With each passing day she became just a bit more comfortable around me. Like telling me where the spare key was so I could let myself in, laughing more freely, not that carefully measured laugh that I hadn't realized was so carefully thought out until I heard her really laugh over a comment I had made. She had a rich and contagious laugh that made you want to laugh along with her even if the motive was not funny at all. She was more comfortable about physical contact. Constantly embracing me sometimes for no reason at all. When I brought up this she said:

"I'm naturally a physical person; my problem is with people I'm not very acquainted with. I mean with Declan I'm constantly in physical contact with him. I've known him for so long. Back home I was like that when I was younger. Really I've been so secluded since way before I came here that sometimes my old ways seem strange to me." she paused for a second deep in thought. "You remind me of who I used to be."

That was the first time I kissed her.


	6. authors noteteaser

My deepest and most sincere apologies to anyone that is reading this story

Unfortunately my charger has stopped working since about a week ago and I have yet to receive a replacement. I could have written the chapter over again except I was more than halfway done with it. I would say it will take for one to two weeks to get a replacement so I;m sorry to say I won't be able to update anytime soon.

I will update as soon as get my charger back though and again I'm sorry for the wait but thanks a million you the story alerts. I'd love to hear your opinions of the story so far so don't be agraid to message me and ask questions.


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